


That Crazy Four Letter Word

by fadetoblue



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV), Juliantina - Fandom
Genre: "You've never been in love?", Canon Compliant, F/F, I absolutely love this scene, and had to expand on it, september 14th
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-17 04:18:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21048173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadetoblue/pseuds/fadetoblue
Summary: Ever wonder what was going through Valentina and Juliana's minds when they talked about love and relationships?Take a delve into their thoughts and feelings. To the kindling that sparked the beauty of what they became.





	That Crazy Four Letter Word

“I don’t know. I’m just so…”

Fuming as they entered her room, Valentina headed over to the desk and picked up the bottle of Mezcal she left there earlier in the day. She poured herself a shot, not stopping until the alcohol was brimming the glass. She needed something to take the edge off. The only problem was, Valentina was too incensed to drink it.

“I just wanted to try not thinking about the danger Lucia and Jacobo are in for a little while,” She said, putting the top back on the bottle and turning to Juliana. “Was that too much to ask?”

“Of course not,” Juliana answered, sitting on the bed, wondering how she could help Val relax.

“I mean, seriously,” Valentina began to pace in front of the window seat. Her frustration apparent as all the fear and anger built up inside poured out in a torrent of emotion, she couldn’t keep in. It flowed through Valentina as sure as the sensation of Mezcal hitting her system. Fire in her veins that could melt everything to numbness or spark an inferno. Depending on her mood. And right now, she needed to release everything.

“How could he think that was okay?” Valentina paused in her pacing to stare blindly out the window, her mind running a mile a minute. “The only reason I let him and Sergio stay was to help me focus on something else. But no…he couldn’t even offer that small amount of comfort!”

“Val, calm down,” Juliana said in an attempt to soothe her as Valentina ran her fingers through her hair in irritation. “I don’t think he meant it in a bad way, really.”

“But that’s just it! It always happens like that,” Valentina cut in, withdrawing her fingers from her hair and practically grasping at the air with every ounce of annoyance she possessed. “He never means it in a bad way!” 

Juliana blinked, surprised at the underlying meaning of Val’s statement. Her boyfriend’s behavior wasn’t a matter of an error in judgement due to the unfamiliar situation. He was crude and insensitive on a regular basis. And Juliana didn’t know what to say to that. All she could do was listen to Val rant as she gripped the shot glass in her hand a little too tightly.

She understood now, Valentina just needed to let it out.

Who could blame her? The guy she’s with had acted like a complete jerk, when she’s worried about her step mother’s life and doing her best to try taking her mind off things. How else was Val supposed to react?

_‘It was no wonder she called her last night for comfort when she couldn’t sleep.’_ And Juliana wouldn’t change a thing. She liked being the one Val turned to in her time of need.

“I’m cool, but I swear to you, I’ve had two boyfriends in my life,” Valentina mirrored the words with her hands in exasperation to drive her point home, “and combined together they don’t amount to a whole one.”

As the words left her mouth a weight lifted off Valentina’s shoulders, and with it her frustration dissipated into a dull hum. It was a truth Valentina’s never spoken out loud, no matter how many times it echoed in her mind. She’s never given voice to this unsettled feeling inside. But with Jul’s she knew she didn’t have to censor herself or worry about the kind of judgement that kept her from admitting to it all along.

It left her with a sense of something she’s never felt before. As though she was finally free to be herself.

Valentina brought the shot glass to her lips, stopping to offer Juliana some before taking a drink.

“No,” Juliana’s gaze drifted to the bottle on the nightstand and back to Valentina. “I don’t like the taste of alcohol.”

She appreciated that Val had the presence of mind to think about her, given everything she was feeling. That meant more to Juliana than anything else, because for once someone took the time to put her first, and that was more important than the gesture itself. 

What made it even better was that Valentina was the one to show her that care and consideration. _‘No wonder she was able to break through her defenses without really trying. Val’s such a genuinely good person, being herself was enough.’_

Juliana smiled to herself at the thought.

Mouth slightly parted, she inhaled sharply. Curiously looking on in the instant it took Val to bring the shot the rest of the way to her lips. She’s seen people drink plenty of times, but this was more of an anticipatory experience.

“Salud,” Juliana said, in perfect sync with Valentina as she tipped her head and tossed it back.

An ordinary act that shouldn’t have had any effect at all, but for some reason Juliana couldn’t bring herself to look away.

She took in everything. Her gaze riveted on Valentina like a moth to a flame. Noting the slow cascade of Valentina’s hair against her back, and the slight grimace when the alcohol hit her tongue, sliding down her throat as she swallowed it all in one gulp.

She was mesmerized, admiring Val. Not for her drinking acumen, but for the essence that was Valentina. Strong willed, yet sensitive and pure despite the privilege. Someone she was grateful to have as a friend. So, Juliana looked on without inhibition, aware of the tingle of something new and different murmuring within.

Setting the empty glass on the desk, a cough escaped Valentina at the familiar sensation of the alcohol. Smooth and strong with a hint of spice in the background that added a little extra kick going down. She was used to it by now, but the first shot still got her sometimes. Leaving her mouth all tingly as warmth spread throughout her body like a glove wrapping around her from the inside out.

Reminding her of the hugs her mom used to give just because, there was no greater way to show affection. The same kind of hugs Valentina reserves for people she really cares about. Enveloping them in her arms to make sure the person knows how important they are.

At least that’s what the Mezcal did for her in this instance. Provided a sense of comfort she’s had a hard time finding in anything lately. Or maybe it was Jul’s presence that made the difference, because just being around her helped put Valentina’s mind at ease.

She coughed again to clear her throat, and turned back to Juliana feeling better than she had a moment ago.

Their eyes met, understanding passing between them without a need for words.

In just that one look Juliana could see that the atmosphere had shifted, and Valentina’s mood had improved greatly. And it really didn’t matter whether it was the alcohol that brought about the change, or Val venting her frustration. She was much calmer now, and Juliana was relieved.

She’d hated seeing Val getting all worked up when she was already dealing with so much. Above all, Juliana wants to be someone Val can depend on. To make her laugh and smile, or simply listen when she needs it.

That’s what a friend did. Or at least Juliana’s always imagined that’s how it should be when you care for somebody. And she really cares about Valentina.

There was no question of it, considering the short time they’ve known each other, because her inclination to make Val happy had been there since the moment they met. That it felt so natural and right to want to be the person she could count on every time.

Juliana’s smile brightened, her gaze following Val as she came over to sit beside her.

“…Better,” Valentina uttered, reaffirming what passed between them, unspoken, while she settled on the bed. Letting the alcohol and the soothing effects of Jul’s closeness wash over her while she got comfortable.

“You know what? I miss life in Canada,” She said as the thought occurred. “Everything was easier.”

Smiling in response, Juliana shifted on the bed to face Val, propping her leg up in front of her so they were practically sitting knee to knee.

She was happy for the change of subject, or just about anything else that would help take Val’s mind off things after her boyfriend’s idiocy. Besides, she knew Val had a story to tell, and just like with everything else about her, Juliana was intrigued.

“Did I tell you that--I had a boyfriend there named Charles? And…” Valentina trailed off, staring in the distance as she remembered that time in her life with a certain measure of fondness for the place and everything that happened while she was there. “It’s just, I lost my virginity with him,” she said when she turned back to Jul’s.

“Really,” Juliana arched her eyebrows in a muted exclamation at the revelation, taking time to process the direction the conversation was going. It wasn’t that she was uncomfortable or anything. She had just never been in a position where sex was talked about openly, and it took a moment to adjust.

“Yeah,” Valentina replied, her eyes lighting up at the memory.

“So, you liked him a lot, or what?”

Juliana caught herself and turned the statement into a question at the last minute. She wasn’t going to impose her views in this, because it didn’t matter that she’d only ever imagined giving that part of herself away with someone she cares for deeply.

This was about Val, not herself. And maybe she was more curious about the answer than she was willing to admit.

“Not really,” Valentina said, “I mean, it was more like, we got along well and--we had fun.” That’s what made the memory special, it wasn’t that she particularly enjoyed it, so much as the adventurousness of what they’d done.

She held Juliana’s gaze as she brushed her hair behind her ear and leaned in, intently hanging on every word.

Pleased that she was enthralled by the story, Valentina spoke animatedly. “We tried everything!”

“Really,” Juliana exclaimed in wonder.

“Yes, really,” Valentina said airily, amusement filling her voice. “We were very daring.”

Lifting a hand to her mouth, Juliana brushed her index finger along her bottom lip, undeniably curious about what exactly ‘daring’ meant. She wasn’t naïve, and of course, she had an idea in her head, but that’s all it was.

She watched Val intently as a wave of somberness hit and she glanced away lost in thought.

“I don’t know, Canada was a very weird time,” Valentina said turning back to Juliana. “I think they sent me there because I wasn’t--I wasn’t over losing my mom yet.”

A sense of loss that was still very real permeated the words with sadness as though Valentina was reliving the experience all over again in her head. 

Dropping her hand Juliana schooled her features, mentally taking a step back to listen.

She might not be able to relate, but she could feel how much the topic affected Valentina. Her heart stuttered in her chest, an unknown force tightening around it at the unchecked pain in Val’s voice. And the only way she knew to offer comfort was to embrace the trust she was being given as Val shared this part of her life with her, raw and unbidden.

“So, you can see why they sent me there…” Valentina trailed off looking down at her lap as she inhaled deeply to curb the emotions rising to the surface. “To have fun,” She finished, meeting Juliana’s eyes again.

There was no need to express what she was thinking, everything was in the looked that passed between them. A mutual understanding that Val didn’t want to delve any deeper right now for obvious reasons. Nor did she need to. Juliana garnered the rest from the emotions shimmering in those blue depths.

“And it worked,” Valentina exclaimed, bringing a smile to Juliana’s face as her tone returned to the lightness it held previously. “I had so much fun, but--”

She paused briefly to gather her words while Juliana looked on intently waiting for her to share her thoughts. It wasn’t even that Valentina didn’t know what she wanted to say. The subject was always in the back of her mind taking up space. But admitting it out loud was an entirely new experience that actually made her a little nervous.

“Neither then or now. Sex is not what I expected it to be.” Valentina continued, glancing away as she spoke, but her gaze was drawn back to Juliana’s almost instantly, despite the sensation erupting in the pit of her stomach. “I don’t know, when you watch movies and you read things. You think everything will be amazing.” She gestured with her hands to combat the nerves. “Well, I don’t know, I expected fireworks.” Valentina laughed at the idea as the words left her mouth. “But, nothing!”

“Really,” Juliana exclaimed in question.

She knew she was starting to sound like a broken record, but she couldn’t help it. Nothing about this conversation had been what she expected.

“I don’t know how it was for you, but for me…” Valentina trailed off, glancing away with a roll of her eyes. “Maybe it’s me.”

Up until now, she had never really questioned why sex wasn’t like people claimed it to be. It was just something she did, because it was expected of her. Not just by the guys she dated, but by society in general. It was sold like candy. In every movie, book and magazine she had ever seen. Something girls and guys all wanted. And she never bothered to ask herself why she felt this way. She had just accepted that’s how it was.

She looked back to Juliana expectantly. Curious about her experiences.

“What,” Juliana asked, unable to contain a nervous smile when Valentina met her eyes.

“No. It’s that--” Well, every one of Valentina’s friends loved having sex, and always talked about how good it made them feel. And she wanted to know if it was like that for Juliana too, or if Jul’s felt the same way she did.

“What?” Juliana blurted out again, her voice rising an octave, surprising both Valentina and herself.

She balled a hand against her mouth, laughing shyly as Val jumped back a little stunned. Juliana couldn’t believe she’d done that. She’s never shrieked before in her life. And yet, she just did! But in her defense, she wasn’t used to talking about these things so openly. 

The shock wore off in a heartbeat. A huge grin lighting up Valentina’s features as she leaned back in close letting out a fluttery laugh of her own, undeterred by Juliana’s reaction. If anything, she was even more curious now than she had been before. 

“Tell me! What do you think,” Valentina insisted, because she really wanted to hear her perspective. 

_‘How did I get drawn into this?’_ Juliana bowed her head and shook it, shrouding her face in a curtain of her hair. Hiding the tinge of a blush coloring her cheeks as she slowly exhaled, trying to calm the nervous energy bubbling inside.

She’s never had a problem admitting the truth, but for some reason telling Val was the hardest thing she’s ever had to do.

“No,” Valentina asked, wondering why she didn’t want to talk about it.

They’ve shared so many things about themselves already. She felt closer to Juliana than anyone else in her life, and she knew Jul’s felt the same. So, why would she keep something as simple as this from her? It didn’t make sense.

“Nothing.” Juliana gave the only answer she could as she brushed her hair away from her face and looked up meeting Val’s eyes.

There was really nothing to tell. She’s never come close to having sex. In truth, Juliana’s barely even had her first kiss, and that was only if a two second peck on the lips as part of a dare counted. And she didn’t really think that it did.

“You don’t think--” Valentina started, not understanding. “What do you mean nothing?”

“Well, no…No.” Juliana sputtered, flustered by being put on the spot. “I’ve never--No.”

Leaning in suddenly, Valentina took a hold of Juliana’s hand on instinct. Her mouth working open and close. But no sound came out. She was too shocked to do more than stare as the realization sank in. A slow smile broke, growing wider and wider by the second.

“What?” Juliana felt heat creeping up the back of her neck at the intensity in Valentina’s gaze. The warm gentle grip on her hand tightening as Val tried to tug her closer. “Stop it!” She resisted, but Juliana didn’t really put up much of a fight.

It was obvious where this was going, and there was nothing she could do about it. 

“You’re a virgin,” Valentina exclaimed, sporting a wide-eyed grin at the answer written all over Juliana’s face.

She knew Jul’s was different than anyone she’s ever met, but this was truly unexpected. And quite honestly the best thing Valentina’s heard in a long time. A rollicking laugh escaped her, because she couldn’t contain the giddiness bursting at the seams. _Jul’s was a virgin and it was absolutely perfect, and refreshing._

Tossing her head back Valentina’s shoulders shook with mirth leaving her a little off balance. And Juliana didn’t even stop to think, before using the leverage of their interlocked hands to push her down on the bed. Partly to try and quiet Val, but mostly to hide her own embarrassment. 

“No!” Valentina uttered as she toppled over in a fit of giggles. Because, what else could she do? She was too ecstatic to reign it in. The well of excitement she felt rising inside needed to be set free.

The flush suffusing Juliana’s cheeks grew hotter. More obvious. Or at least it felt that way as heat settled in the tips of her ears. This was unlike anything she’s ever experienced, and it wasn’t to say she’s never been teased. But, being made fun of was never so lighthearted and playful she couldn’t take it seriously.

It was a weird feeling…and kind of wonderful at the same time.

There was nothing about Val’s laughter that made her want to withdraw inside herself or run away. She took a moment to revel in the gentle pressure of their intertwined fingers. A different kind of warmth rising in Juliana’s belly. Something comfortable and safe, like a flower slowly blossoming beneath the sun’s rays. Or maybe she just liked having someone in her life that she could be open with, besides her mom. And it was easy letting herself be vulnerable with Valentina.

A small flustered smile tugged at Juliana’s mouth that she was tempted to hide purely on instinct. Remembering that she didn’t have to as she lifted her free hand, Juliana took a breath and tucked the stray hair falling against her cheek behind her ear. 

“Stop it, Val!” Juliana gazed down at her, unconsciously smiling a little brighter. “Don’t make fun of me!”

Without hesitation Valentina sat up, guided by the gentle tug of Juliana’s hand.

“No, it’s that…” She breathed in a gasp of laughter, meeting Juliana’s gaze.

The bashfulness in the deep brown depths made the funny sensation bubbling inside a little more prominent adding to her giddiness. As though a million butterflies were fluttering around in the pit of her stomach, and making her act this way.

“No! I’m not making fun of you.” Valentina reassured, breaking their grip to press her hands to her mouth unable to curb the excitement resonating in her voice. “Jul’s! You have a world of possibilities to explore!”

Hiding her face in her hand, Juliana turned away from Valentina’s intense ocean blue eyes. The smile tugging at her mouth a mixture of amusement and insecurity as she wondered if it was possible for the heat seeping from every pore to consume her. She almost wished Val was teasing her, because it would have been easier. 

“This is amazing,” Valentina exclaimed with unbridled glee, “It’s the best news of the day.”

It wasn’t just the embarrassment that made Juliana flush and shy away. There was a much deeper reason. Having sex wasn’t a big deal to her. As far as she was concerned, it would happen eventually. And there was no need to heap that kind of pressure on herself on top of everything else in her life.

Juliana met Valentina’s eyes again, still feeling as though she might internally combust. 

“Enough, Val,” she implored. Not that she hasn’t thought about it before. Granted she didn’t have the opportunity to do it that often, Juliana’s _experimented_ with herself enough to know sex could be amazing with the right person. But she never felt like she was missing out on anything, until now. And quite honestly, she wasn’t ready to share that with anyone, not even Val. “Enough.”

“Ok. Enough.” Valentina took a moment to rein herself in, despite the warm fuzzy feeling radiating from within that dictated the contrary.

She knew she’d come on a little too strong, and the last thing she wanted was to make Jul’s uncomfortable around her. Their friendship was still new, but she’d come to value Jul’s in a way she hasn’t with anyone else she’s ever met. 

“You’re not missing anything,” Valentina told her with conviction.

In her opinion sex wasn’t all it was chalked up to be, and in all honesty, she’d be perfectly fine if she never slept with another guy. 

“You’ve never been in love,” Juliana asked in awe, staring up into Val’s eyes overcome with disbelief.

She searched her face for any sign that she was wrong as Val shifted beneath her gaze. It was hard to imagine someone like Val has never been in love. She has such a sweet and amazing personality. It couldn’t be possible. 

Juliana blinked, letting her eyes flutter closed, and opened them slowly expecting to see the familiar teasing charm in Val’s expression.

Caught off guard by the question, Valentina gasped taking in a shallow breath, momentarily speechless as she held Jul’s gaze.

The answer should have been automatic. Easy. But for some reason it wasn’t. And the way Jul’s was looking at her certainly didn’t help matters any. It made the strange sensation fluttering in Valentina’s stomach a little more pronounced. Something she attributed to the subject, because there was no other way to explain it. 

Mouth slightly parted Valentina expelled the breath she was holding, and gave a little shrug of her shoulders.

“No,” she said softly, leaning in closer to Jul’s without breaking eye contact because she wanted to be as near her as possible. That was the only thing that seemed to settle the havoc going on inside.

She might not believe in love in the romantic sense, but deep down Valentina acknowledged that there were a lot of different kinds of love. She was certainly capable of feeling it beyond the extent of her family. Because, the one thing she knew for sure was that she enjoys spending time with Jul’s. Their friendship is more meaningful than…

Well, Valentina didn’t really have anything to compare it to. She just loves having Jul’s around as much as possible. And that was enough for her. 

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long time since I wrote a fic, so I'm a bit rusty.  
I hope y'all like it. Drop me a line and let me know what you think.
> 
> Ps: I only intended to do the "You've never been in love" part of this, but as I wrote it expanded into this.


End file.
